


What The Hell Am I Doing Here?

by nerddowell



Series: Drabbles + ficlets [7]
Category: Versailles (TV 2015)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Butt Plugs, I'm sorry grandma, M/M, Masturbation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Prompt, Voyeurism, Warning: NSFW GIFS/images at the end of the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 12:38:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11669289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerddowell/pseuds/nerddowell
Summary: Written for the Tumblr prompt 'I hid in your closet to scare you as a joke but when you came in you started masturbating and I can’t just get up and leave but if I get caught in your closet you’ll think I’m a pervert I regret my life choices'.Title from Radiohead'sCreep.





	What The Hell Am I Doing Here?

**Author's Note:**

> IDK, I saw it on a prompt post and I never back down from slightly dodgy porn prompts ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The prank war started, unsurprisingly, with Chev. In fact, it was on their second night as housemates during their fresher year of university; he'd crept into Philippe's room whilst his housemate was sleeping off his hangover (courtesy of the wild fresher's party they'd thrown the night before) and filled every square inch of his bedroom with red solo cups filled to the brim with water. Since his was the room next to Philippe's, he got to hear the yell of annoyance through the wall when Philippe stumbled, still half-drunk, up from his bed to go to the bathroom and unleashed a domino-effect tidal wave of water all over his bedroom floor, which then seeped out onto the landing. The university hospitality team weren't impressed when they arrived to find the whole upper floor still soggy three days later, and the pair of them had been billed for water damage caused to their accommodation's carpets at the beginning of the next week. Philippe had sworn revenge at that moment.

He'd laced Chev's coffee machine with extra-strength laxatives the first morning of lectures and wished his housemate a cheerful goodbye from the other side of the bathroom door as he went to his European History I class. When he'd come back at the end of the day (or rather, two hours later when all the fresher's fair free pizza from Domino's had finally run out), his housemate was still in the bathroom. Strained shrieks of 'Are you _kidding_ me!?' could be heard even from outside, and Philippe walked back into the house whistling cheerfully and struggling to hide his smile. Chev hadn't been able to so much as fart without paranoia for nearly a week afterwards, and Philippe had had to stifle his grins into his mug every time he caught him shuffling stiffly across the landing to the bathroom, glaring daggers at Philippe the whole way. Victory tasted sweet and smelled of freshly-brewed coffee.

Victory also ended in a shitload of sparkles that had gotten into every crevice in his body, and some he didn't even know he had. In the second week of their second term, when he'd begun to think he'd won and that the pranks were over for the time being, he'd been delivered a cardboard tube in the mail which he figured were probably the earphones he'd ordered from Amazon. Their housemate Sophie, who was too sweet and innocent to ever have been blamed for the incident, had helpfully brought it up to him when he was sat on his bed doing the reading for his lecture in the afternoon. He'd opened the tube to have more glitter than he'd ever seen in his life explode all over him, getting in his mouth, up his nose and even in his eyes, and had heard a sinister laugh coming from Chev's room next door before his housemate's door creaked closed. From then on, it was war.

And that was how he'd ended up hiding inside Chev's wardrobe _during_ exam period with the most hideous clown mask he could find on Amazon over his face and a large fake knife in his hand, ready to jump out at his housemate. However, this was also exactly how his intended prank had been severely derailed within seconds of the intended victim reentering his dorm room.

Because it turned out that Chev liked to masturbate to relieve himself of stress.

Philippe, mask on, was peering through the minute gap between the doors as Chev walked through the door, pushed it closed, and immediately unbuckled his belt, leaning against the door as he pulled his cock out of his jeans. (Chev apparently wasn't one for wearing underwear.) Philippe's heart stopped as his housemate squeezed it gently, running his thumb over the tip and beginning to stroke leisurely, teasing himself to hardness. He had a very pretty cock, Philippe thought, not entirely unobjectively; it was averagely long, slender, with the pink tip peeking out of his fist. Chev stopped briefly to lie on the bed, licking his hand for a little more lubrication, and went back to stroking, slow and steady. He bit his lip as his fingers played gently with his foreskin, gently pushing it back to expose the head completely before encompassing it again. Philippe's mouth was dry and his heart pounded in his chest as he watched, deeply uncomfortable and yet unable to stop looking.

This was the last thing he'd expected to happen. Mostly, he'd intended to jump out at Chev, hear his housemate scream like a girl and probably try and hit him with his theology textbook, and be shoved unceremoniously out of the door whilst Chev had to check if he'd actually shit himself. Instead he was trapped completely, forced to witness his housemate wanking off six feet away from him, and unable to do anything about the growing discomfort in his own jeans. He couldn't exactly get up and walk out, because that would let Chev know that he'd been hiding and watching him, a fate worse than death in Philippe's opinion because it would inevitably be held over his head until the end of his days. At the same time, he couldn't stay and watch because _what the fuck_ , and also if he got caught in the wardrobe then he would again look like a total pervert. It was times like these that he wished apparation was really possible, or else that the floor really did have a way to just swallow him because the sooner he got out of this situation, the better.

A soft groan from Chev on the bed dragged his attention (unwillingly, he told himself, knowing it was at least half a lie) back to the scene he had been watching. Chev's cock was fully hard now, a bead of precome glistening at the tip, and Chev swept his thumb over it, his mouth falling open in an 'o'. He made the most delicious sounds, Philippe thought. In all honesty, Philippe's experience with sex came mostly from a couple of high-school boyfriends with whom he'd shared fumbles - mutual handjobs and little else - and copious searches on YouPornGay. The atmosphere inside the wardrobe was getting hot, too hot to keep the mask on, and he tore the stupid thing off, aware of how flushed his cheeks probably were. Whether from embarrassment or arousal, he didn't want to think about it.

Chev's hand was still leisurely on his cock, smearing the fluid leaking steadily from the tip down over the smooth skin, but he was slowly thrusting his hips into his hand, his head thrown back on the bed and mouth open as he panted and pushed his cock into his fist. Philippe watched, grinding the heel of his own hand against his own cock through his jeans, the friction making his head swim. He thumbed his jeans open as silently as he could manage, the grating of the zipper achingly loud in his ears as he inched it down over the bulge pressing desperately at his groin. He shoved his boxers down, just far enough to reach in and draw his cock out, biting back a sigh at even the light touch of his fingers against his aching cock.

He took it in his fist, too absorbed to do anything but stroke frantically as he watched Chev grind into his hand, his housemate now reaching down between his legs to run his fingers between his ass cheeks. The angle he was lying at didn't afford Philippe a clear view, so he let his imagination run wild, visualising Chev's fingers tracing around his hole, pressing lightly, playing with himself as his hand squeezed around his cock and Philippe's breathing echoed in his ears. Chev let out a groan, his hand speeding up, hips definitely fucking into his fist now. He was breathing heavily, one hand pulling desperately at his cock whilst the other played with something between his legs, pulling and pushing. He seemed to have found something he liked, however, because he let out a soft cry and shuddered on the bed, hand pausing for a second as his cock twitched, and Philippe held his breath, sure he was going to come, but Chev simply moaned - far too loud for a house with all of the other occupants still in their rooms - and resumed his quick movements.

He shifted on the bed, rolling to plant his feet on the floor, and all of a sudden Philippe had the perfect view of Chev's hand on his cock and the other playing with a plug buried in his ass. He was gently moving it in and out, just far enough for the widest point to tug at his hole, and Philippe was transfixed, hand on his cock stilling as he watched. Chev was sheened lightly with sweat now, his soft sounds becoming more like whimpers; Philippe suddenly took up stroking himself again as Chev pushed the plug back in, and the sound he made - a thin moan - made Philippe shudder, coming into his fist and all over the door of Chev's wardrobe before he could think to stop himself, orgasm so intense and sudden his head spun and he saw stars. It took a supreme force of effort for him not to cry out.

His legs turned to jelly and he sagged against the side of the wardrobe, panting hard. Chev on the bed stroked himself once, twice more before he shuddered and spurted over his chest, striping the golden skin with splotches of come, and his loud sob of ecstasy reverberated around the room. He continued to milk himself through it, legs twitching slightly as he drew the last drops out, and then flopped back against the bed, totally boneless. He traced a hand idly through the streaks of come on his chest, and Philippe raised his hand to his mouth, licking it clean and imagining it was Chev's, that he was licking his housemate's come off his fingers. He was almost ashamed of himself for how kinky he felt.

Chev blinked lazily on the bed before turning his head towards the wardrobe. 'You know, Mr Tumnus, it's about time you came out of the closet,' he said, and winked directly at Philippe.

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, smutty gifs:
> 
> 1.  
>   
> Uni student Chev on his bed.
> 
> 2.  
>   
> Uni student Philippe, probably in the bathroom.
> 
> 3.  
>   
> It's a pretty butt.


End file.
